Is It Easy to Adopt Asian Babies in Us

We are trying to adopt an Asian or Asian/Caucasian newborn(preferably a girl) that is born in the United States as we cannot afford international adoption.Any ideas,suggestions,help on how to find Asian birthmothers would be appreciated.Thank you!Deborah andSean

My method is much more to PREVENT pregnancy, rather than be faced with adoption and/or pregnancy.

Sorry, that should say "faced with adoption and/or abortion."

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Sorry to jump in but wanted to share my experience. I am an Irish American woman married to a Thai man. When we began our adoption journey three years ago, we contacted the large and reputable agency, which we ultimately contracted with, and were told that in their thousands of placements they had never placed a domestically born Asian child. Interestingly we never inquired about such a match or such information; we became a waiting family in their AA newborn program. We were, several months later, chosen and matched with an Asian expectant mother. She was not working with our agency but scoured the internet to find a couple with at least one partner who was Asian. She told us that she had spoken to several other couples (where one partner was Asian) and said that she loved many things about us; she also said that she would have never chosen a couple where neither partner was Asian. She opted to parent after her child was born.

I know of one woman here in this forum and another in RL who adopted Asian children born domestically. I think in both cases they were open to all races.

I love the fact that we have a new outlook on things. Thanks financier for joining us!

I am not Asian and my husband is not, but we have many Asian people in our family. Our family history includes American Indian, African American, Spanish, German, Irish, Welsh, Austrian, Swiss, and even a bit of Dutch. Those who have married people I am directly related to have been African American, Mexican, and Asian. We are a rainbow family and I think it's a healthy atmosphere! We would like to adopt Asian or mixed race Asian children to add to our family a wealth of heritage. But....we are open to other races as well. Alot lof people think we should stick to adopting Native American kids since I am mostly American Indian. We have inquired about an African American child but we think it would be best to not press this into action as alot of my extended family lives in the south and they are a bit racist (yes it makes me sad and there is little to nothing i can do to change their minds. they do know how we feel about it). We live in Colorado and face the idea that my husbands family is a bit racist against Mexican people. I would never want my child to feel out of place and criticized for who he/she is and what nationality that child is. I want my child to "fit in". That doesn't mean that he/she will need to look like me. That doesn't mean that he/she should be smart like my cousin, or lovely like my sister, or have an attitude like my daughter (she's 5 lol). That means he/she will be accepted. I must take into consideration the racism in our extended families and realize what races have been widely accepted. Caucasian of course has been accepted, and ultimately Asian has been the only race accepted into our family w/out question. The others have had to prove themselves and fight their way into acceptance. I don't want my children to have to deal w/ that. Why is it that everytime i start typing it ends up being a novel? lol thanks for reading my babble!

I do agree, all races are beautiful. And I also agree it is pretty inconsiderate to advertise for a race of child. We would love any child that was ours, but like Pubbz brougth out through some good ideas about racism, not all races are accepted by others. It is sad, but it is a reality of life. This is a good discussion. I am glad it has started.

Hanbokmom

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Hankbok mom, I, too, am enjoying this dialogue and am glad that we can share views respectfully. I think it offensive to advertise with the request of race; I am unsure about prospective adoptive parents advertising in the first place. That is merely my opinion. I think there might concern for some women, and this is based only on the experience of my friends (Asian), husband (who is Thai) and BIL (who is E. Indian), who have always identified more closely with the minority American experience than the "white" American experience. It is certain (not to, in any way, state such of you) that many Americans consider Asian races "closer" or "more similar" to "white" than other races, such as AA and Latina. Certainly the assumption is more often made of "light skinned" Asians rather than "dark skinned" Asians (such as Southeast Asian and Eastern Indian peoples). You hit the nail on the head when you said that "not all races are accepted by others." A woman (might be) fearful that if a Caucasian family, who is not interracial, would accept her Asian child but not a child of another race, AA for example, that they might be unable to entirely accept the culture of origin for the Asian child. Often people choose to adopt children "who resemble them" whether they be Caucasian or bir-racial (of any two races), but it causes pause when a family without Asian heritage is open to adopting an Asian child but not an AA or Latina child. My husband and I find it entirely confounding, as the Asian culture, religion and language is so entirely different (even in second generation homes) than is the cultural differences of Latina and African American families.

This issue should not be confused with the choice of those who adopt internationally (regardless of the race of the child), as many choose international adoption for a myriad of reasons that involve the process, fewer/less strict restrictions of prospective adoptive parents, more clear timeline, etc.

I hope that I have not offended but rather added to the discussion. :)

Pebbz and Hanbokmom -- thanks for your responses. Hanbokman, your post is a bit vague. About races not being accepted by others, do you mean actually *in* your family, or just in general?

I really think that if a family (rather, certain members of the family, extended or otherwise) is one of these that sees Asians as honorary whites, TR adoption is NOT for that family. Applying to adopt a mixed race Asian-white baby, how would you feel if he/she came out "different" looking? Have you ever seen mixed race Asians? They look everything from full white to full Asian to obviously Asian and white to totally different races. I frequently get mistaken for Latina, Mexican, Hispanic, etc. along with full Asian, and mixed race Asian-white-Latina-black (every combination thereof). I have also seen mixed race babies look 5 different races, LOL, from birth to development, and then settle on "one look" eventually. (Thinking right now of a mixed race white-Vietnamese boy who looked totally white until puberty, now looks full Viet). I also know quite a few people of Chinese descent from some of the more Southern provinces who have just started immigrating to this country (as opposed to the Taiwanese, Cantonese, Hong Kong-ese, Shanghainese, etc.) that look "very dark" and "non-traditionally" Asian featured. Most people (just by looking) would think they are black-Asian or Indian-Asian or whatnot.

I think it is sad (but also reality) that families don't have the guts to cut ties to family members who feel this way, but instead, go about adopting to "accomodate" biggots' attitudes. If you are really considering becoming an interracial family (or already are) and your spouse's (or your) family is a "little bit racist," that is NOT a healthy environment for a non-white (whether he/she even be part white) to be in. The fact that we in the adoption community and/or mixed race/multiracial community spend all day trying to find racially diverse towns, but have these people in our family scares me. I think it sets a bad example for the kids when you continue to have family ties with people who are clearly not eager to be a part of a multiracial family. I really implore you to think about adopting just white/Caucasian/European or reconsider adopting "the races that are accepted into your family." Don't get me wrong -- I know it is easier said than done, but I have two parents who have the attitude that they will cut you loose, family or friends, if they don't feel that person's views jive with theirs on these issues.

I'm still wondering how that ad gets worded -- "Loving white couple seeks Asian birthmom (birthdad can't be black or Latino, but white is okay)."?

Pebbz, I did not think your post was a novel. I LOVE reading long posts -- it really helps many of us get a clearer view. And it is clear through your posts that you are an incredibly loving person who has a lot to offer! I wish I had you in my family! Thanks for your post(s)! :)

Sorry to be vague. No, it is not our family that is prejudiced, it is our community. Before our homestudy agency would approve us we had to do a lot of research about bi-racial families. I talked with Asian, AA, Hispanic, and bi-racial families. I found out that any race mixed would be fine. Full Asian, Hispanic, and Cauc. mixed families would be fine. But, a full AA/ Cauc. family mix would not stand under the prejudices of either the AA or the Cauc. communities. Thus, if a AA/Cauc. couple moved here, they would not be accepted, but their bi-racial children would. It makes absolutely NO sense, but that is the way it is here in our rural area. So, I would not adopt a full AA child as it would not be fair to him/her growing up not accepted by either culture (in our family and church, yes, but not school or sports, etc) People are strange and their thinking can be even stranger. We do not live in a perfect world.

We feel our children are a gift from God. We didn't look at one special race or country. We looked to see where our next child was and there we went. We never cared what race or country our childen were born in. We feel blessed to have them all.

Hanbokmom

financier, You articulated so well many of the things that I wanted to express but was unable. The racism that accomodates Asians but is not so accepting of AA or Latina children is insidious and does as much damage to the Asian child as it would to the lesser accepted child, whether intended or not.

Husband and I are also of the ilk that would sever ties with ANYONE, family or friend, would they negatively influence our child, with ideology or words. We were raised in open families where all people were valued based on their character; therefore, we did not have to make decisions to sever immediate familial relationships but would not have hesitated.

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Wow, thank you very much, that makes me feel good about myself. I was hoping no one hated me for the looong email lol. i agree that you can truly get a feel for someone when you read a long email that they've written. And I appreciate you saying you wished I was in your family. That means alot to me.

You know what makes me feel so very sad? when i see a child posted on an adoption site, my heart reaches out to that child and then i realize that child would be hard pressed to ensure that he/she fit in our family. I dont want that. I want our kids to fit right in, w/out the work. or at least the work should be on our part as parents to ensure that our kids dont feel "left out". i dont think i am asking too much by saying that. i know kids will come w/ their own set of baggage and a bio family that they may need to stay in contact w/ and thats ok w/ me. the extended family that i spoke of have many wonderful qualities. they are sweet caring people who are healers and nurturers. they are my grand parents and aunts and uncles and although they live down south and we dont have alot of contact w/ them, those are relationships i do not want to sever. they have plenty of reason to be prejudice, because they have experienced hardships w/ the african american people there. instead of looking at each individual they have chosen to view them as a general whole. if i were to view the white race as a general whole i would see fat, pasty, rich people who care nothing for the "minority". but instead i have many friends of many nationalities, my Filipina aunt being one of my favorites (i know i shouldnt have favorites but i do...guilty as charged!). i'm sure my aunt plays a big part in our persuit of "asian" children. she actually requested we search for Philippino children, hoping to add to our family that way. i hope i am not really offending anyone by saying this. i see the term "asian" as a beautiful thing, just as i see my native american heritage as a strong thing. there are family values and strengths related to the asian culture that have enhanced our family by leaps and bounds. i think every race represented in our family has brought many wonderful aspects but they are simply not all accepted. it does make me curious why our family accepts asian, caucasian, and native american people so easily (not all native american nations would be accepted though). and the funniest thing.....our family has more readily accepted our asian relatives than the caucasian relatives! the caucasian men and women who have climbed on board have had to prove themselves at some point. strange isnt it? when i pray, and i pray alot, i ask God for the children who are meant for us.....regardless of race, age, sex, or past issues. our children are out there waiting for us. i dont know who they are or where they are but i cry sometimes thinking they may feel lost or wondering if they will have that family they deserve. and we are here...searching for them. we may not be perfect but we can provide perfect and unending love, as well as horses, dogs, cats, fish, goats, ducks, and all the fun we can handle! if you see my kids somewhere will you give them a hug and kiss from me? and tell them we will bring them home soon.

Marian (RainWalker James)

Forgot to add...another sad story. My mother's coworker's son is half Korean (eh...pretty much looks Korean...not much of the white shows through, loosely speaking of course!). His "girlfriend" became pregnant and considered adoption...sad thing was that she had so many partners at that time that she did not even know who the father was. Partners of skin tones from fairest to deepest. Baby's father could have been black, biracially black-white, half Korean-half white (our coworker's son), or full white.

Poor baby was born and sure enough, even though she was only 25% Korean, we figured out the dad just by looking!

Anyway, just another spin on the Asian birthMOM story. What if it were a white birthmother, and one of the fathers could *possibly* be Asian? Or another minority race?

Pebbz-Marian:

Thanks again for your response! Trust me, I know about novels myself :) and I really do like reading your posts. How else can we get to know one another if we just write a sentence or two? Besides, I notice that reading so-called long posts only takes a minute, tops!

I still don't understand why your parents have reason to be prejudice because of their experiences with blacks. When I think about all the things blacks endured under whites and still do to a point today, it makes me cringe. The British practically raped and pillaged the whole world. (My white side happens to be British, so don't take this the wrong way). I'm sorry, but I've never understood "I am prejudice and can justify it...because a black person robbed me, a black person carjacked me, etc." Whites have done some awful things to me (I had horrible experiences growing up), but I don't blame the whole white race. And as my parents always ask, what if a "<insert member of your race>" did something to you? Would you start hating every member of your race, your kids, and yourself? I'm really sorry...I know it's not you and I know tons of people like this...but I don't think I can justify "prejudice against a whole race," because of some incidents. My mom's side of the family is Jewish, and they don't bare ill will toward the Germans or Mel Gibson :-D

Either way, as I said, you and your husband sound like wonderful people and I can tell that you want this (or something!) very badly. I know it will all work out in time. Incidentally, my doctor is Irish-American married to a Filipino, and they just adopted a 4 year old Filipina girl. She has been trying to do this for almost a decade. I don't know why it's been so difficult. They're both surgeons (and I know agencies like "professionals") and they have 4 biological sons and can have more children. They've just always wanted to adopt...they've requested a girl of any age...and were so glad to take the 4 year old when one finally became available, because the SW told her not many people are interested in an older child...Everyone wants a kitten, no one wants a cat...especially when most can't have children and have never had a baby/infant in the home long term. Anyway, my MD says she doesn't know why it's so difficult to find a Filipino/a child!

Hanbokmom -- no need to apologize! I should have reworded it differently. I just didn't know if you were saying your family didn't like other races, or your community didn't. I agree it is a strange world! As a mixed race Korean, I've met many Koreans who have no problem accepting full blooded Koreans being raised by whites, but they can't even stand to be in the same room as me, because I'm not full Korean! So, these Koreans "generously" donate their time at adoptee functions, but just avoid the mixed race ones :-D People are indeed funny...rather, scary in 2004.

:p

Financier,

I just love the way two strangers can get along! I think you sound like a magnificent individual.

I guess when it comes to my family...I don't understand them either lol. Some things remain a mystery. What I don't follow is how they can be racist against their "own race" (we have african american in our family history a few generations back.) Ya know something else I think cracks me up is the Spanish people versus the Mexican people. My friend from Spain (born and raised there and is Spanish of course) absolutely hates the Mexican people. They have never done anything to her personally but she says all the Spaniards hate the Mexicans. Odd isn't it? One race stemming from the other....You'd think they would be ok w/ the Mexican people since they are kinda partly Spanish. Another one of those scary thoughts.

Good point....I tend to lean away from the Caucasian race a bit anymore. I look Irish....I'm mostly Native American. and I was sexually assaulted 2 years ago by an older white male. I have serious issues now when I see older white men....something I hope I don't have to deal w/ for the rest of my life. Not that it's a race issue more than a stereotyping issue w/ me. When my mom was in grade school a bunch of "black" boys cornered her and very nearly raped her. she will have issues w/ that for the rest of her life because those kinds of things are devastating, especially to a kid. when I go down south to visit my relatives there I see "black" men walking around w/ their hands in the pants playing w/ themselves. this doesn't give me a good impression. BUT when I come back home I meet my "black" friends and see that the world is right again lol. now, for all of you readers out there I am not saying that all black men down south do this sort of thing. I am just generalizing. That's funny too...because I constantly tell people to never do that. practice what ya preach i guess....maybe I should follow my own guidelines.

again, this is a wonderful conversation. I am learning alot here...filing it away in my mind. I have never wanted anyone to be uncomfortable around me and I deffinitely don't want the mother of my future child/ren to be uncomfortable around us whether that person is of a different race or not. I hope that is never an issue between us. I want her to see us as loving caring parents who can provide a safe and stable home for her kids. I have one bio child and am unable to have others but I have gone through the whole "baby" experience and would rather not do it again. If asked to though....I wouldn't be able to turn a baby down lol. we would love to have older kids and can't wait to fill the empty rooms we have in our home (and hearts).

M.

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Hello Dan,

I have seen your adoption forum post in 2004. I am right now looking for Asian Caucasian baby expectant mother. I would appreciate if you can share your experience in searching. I hope you had a big success in the mean time.

May 16, 2007

I just was reading through the postings on this subject and just wanted to add something. Most of these state that women of asian decent usually choose abortion or a family member to raise her child. We adopted a beautiful little girl at birth, we were in the room when she was born. She is 1/2 filipino 1/2 caucasian but her birthmother is caucasian and her birthfather is asian so it is not always the mother who is asian so this standard would not necessiarly hold true. We were lucky that although we were not looking to adopt a friend knew of this situation and matched us up with the birthmother. Good luck to all who are searching for their child!

Kelley

prendergastraters.blogspot.com

Source: https://adoption.com/forums/thread/97915/domestic-asian-adoption/

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